Hello everyone! It’s been a while since my last blog post. I've noticed that I often find myself writing during difficult moments, and I’d like to shift that perspective. Instead, I want to focus on the joyful times and celebrate God's glory in our lives.
Recently, our only son MJ celebrated his 3rd birthday on September 29, and I’m truly amazed by how much he has grown. For those who may doubt the existence of God or a higher power, I hope my story can inspire a change in your perspective.
For those who may not know, I was diagnosed with Clinical Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APAS) when I became pregnant with MJ. Antiphospholipid syndrome is a condition where the immune system incorrectly produces antibodies that attack the body’s own tissues, which can lead to blood clots in both arteries and veins. In the context of pregnancy, this syndrome can increase the risk of miscarriage and stillbirth.
Fortunately, thanks to Dr. Mona Yu, we were able to diagnose this condition, and as a result, every day became a heparin day. Either JB or I would administer blood thinners into my abdomen on a daily basis.
My belly resembled a deflated basketball, yet we held on to our faith that everything would be alright. We were fortunate to have an excellent OB-GYN, Dr. Kristina Dosdos. I vividly recall her saying, “You need to collaborate with me. If you do your part, I’ll do mine, and together we will bring a healthy baby into the world for baptism and beyond.” She had a firm approach and made sure I remained attentive to my health, which I truly appreciated. I placed my trust in both her and God.
Dr. Dosdos advised me to go to the hospital on September 27, and I was filled with anxiety. Although I was still in my 34th week of pregnancy, she had already informed me that the baby would likely be born prematurely. Upon arrival at the hospital, I was given magnesium sulfate IV as a precaution due to my condition, administered in small doses. They attempted to monitor the baby’s heartbeat but could only detect a faint sound, which visibly concerned the staff (Turns out MJ was just at his back and they were just listening to his butt hehe)
The following day, I was placed in isolation to help me relax and minimize distractions. However, in that room alone, I felt incredibly weak—I couldn't even lift my hands. I tried to press the nurse call button, but my arms wouldn’t cooperate. I attempted to call out, but my jaw felt locked, and my speech was so slurred that I couldn’t make sense of my own words. It seemed like hours passed in this state, and I began to struggle with my breathing. In my mind, I silently called out to my mom, convinced that I was nearing death. I cried out to Mama Mary, asking her to be my mother and save my baby, even if I couldn’t be saved.
At that moment, a nurse walked into the room to check on me. When she saw my condition, she quickly called for the doctor, who decided to stop the magnesium sulfate IV due to the signs of toxicity I was showing. Gradually, as the hours passed after the IV was halted, I began to feel better. I didn’t get any sleep until I was taken to the operating room for my C-section.
By 8 AM, I was in the operating room and received an epidural. I kept telling myself that everything would be alright, but if it weren't, I prayed that God would give me the strength to carry on. Having experienced the loss of babies before, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this one might end up the same. However, at 8:30 AM, I heard my doctor say, "Happy birthday, MJ!" followed by a tiny cry. Because he was born prematurely, he was quickly taken to the NICU.
I truly wish I could say that it was the happiest moment of my life, but sometimes the pain of loss can be overwhelming. I struggled to believe that this child would survive, especially considering I had already lost babies. Out of self-protection, I could only pray that we would both make it through safely.
I had the entire afternoon to rest and recover, but when I woke up, I was hit with intense back pain. I asked JB to help adjust the bed, only for him to discover that my hospital gown and bedding were completely soaked in blood. We called the doctors, who tried to stop the bleeding, but their efforts were unsuccessful. After three changes of bedding and gowns, they finally managed to control the bleeding, but I was now in severe pain and unable to move, with my legs beginning to feel numb.
My OB-GYN referred me to a neurosurgeon, who recommended that I undergo an MRI. I vividly remember it was the night of the Bb Pilipinas 2021 coronation, and while winners were being announced, I was in excruciating pain, trying to remain still in the MRI scanner. JB was incredibly supportive, helping me with my basic needs and even carrying me to the restroom, which was one of the most painful experiences we faced together.
The MRI revealed that I had compressed nerves and required immediate laminectomy to prevent paralysis. Our only option was to transfer to another hospital and leave MJ behind in order to access a government program for free treatment. Everything felt like a blur as I was wheeled into the emergency room of a public hospital, where I ended up alone for hours because the pandemic was still ongoing. JB needed to pass a negative swab test to be allowed inside.
After six hours, I was taken to the operating room alone, and once again, in less than 48 hours, I found myself surrendering my life to God. Thankfully, I had skilled surgeons, led by Dr. Charles Niel Tan, and the surgery was a success! When I woke up in the recovery room, I was on a metal bed and still unable to move properly. I remained there for nearly 24 hours until a bed became available for me. I was incredibly hungry but unable to eat or drink anything. Meanwhile, JB was doing everything he could to expedite the swab test results.
JB was finally allowed to join me in the room where I was assigned. I shared this space with five other neurology patients, who became my confidantes and friends even to this day. We celebrated our birthdays together in that room, and since we were apart from MJ in the hospital, we were fortunate to have compassionate nurses who facilitated video chats and virtual conversations with our baby. This connection helped us cope during our time apart. A special thanks to Nurse Arly and the rest of the Perpetual Succour NICU team. We are eternally grateful for your kindness.
Although JB and I had been married for less than a year, it felt as though we had experienced more than many couples do in decades. While most newlyweds would be focused on planning vacations and honeymoons, JB and I found ourselves figuring out how I could use a urinal without causing pain to my surgical wound. I truly felt blessed to be married to such an incredible person.
After nearly three weeks in the hospital, still using a walker and going through therapy, we finally brought MJ home from the NICU. Seeing him so small at just 1.3 kg, patiently waiting for us, filled my heart with immense joy. I held him in my arms, nursed him, and showered him with kisses—there truly couldn't have been a happier moment. I finally understood that I had a living baby! He was here and not taken away!
Now, at three years old, our Mattheo Jeremiah (MJ) weighs almost 20 kg, and I find it difficult to carry him. However, seeing him every day is a testament to God's faithfulness, love, and mercy. Only a loving God can make all things beautiful in His time; we just need to learn to trust and surrender everything to Him.
On MJ's birthdays, I always reflect on what I went though and what our family experienced. I am grateful to be alive; I am thankful for my husband and for MJ, our greatest joy and blessing.
Happy 3rd Birthday, my precious MJ! Mama and Papa will always be here for you, and know that God loves you immensely! You are our little angel, which is why you celebrate your special day alongside the Archangels!
We are forever grateful for you!
As a final note, I wanted to share these pictures with you. Only God could have made this possible. I hope you take a moment to look at them and reflect on your life, appreciating all the blessings and grace that God has given you. It takes a foolish and ungrateful heart to claim that there is no God. I know I serve a mighty, loving and wonderful God.
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