The Jake in our Storms

 

 2012 was deemed as the end of the world back then. At that time, I felt like it was the end of mine. You see, I lost my husband to leukemia on the morning of September 24. What I didn’t tell you about grief was that after all the wake and the burial, even years after, the last 24 hours will replay in your head—where did I go wrong? What could I have done to prevent it? And somehow, this grips your memories and leads you into believing that there was a glitch somewhere and that I must have done something wrong to have deserved this.

 

I can always tell you about my last twenty (24) hours with him, but I usually reserve this particular story-telling during pajama nights with the closest of my circle, with a bottle of sweet wine and some FRIENDS episodes in the background or when I lie awake and just talk it out (or cry it out) with my God. He never fails to listen to me, no matter how repetitive my story is.

 

But for most of you, I didn’t tell you about this one person who didn’t know that he has touched my life in that particular moment of my life, and I will never forget him. His name is Jake.

 

Jake was my in-laws’ errand boy. He was talkative and jolly. He had some mishaps every now and then, probably because he was raised in an environment where decisions were made mainly to survive. Over the years and before my husband was diagnosed, Jake became his assistant in his photography gigs, carrying his strobe lights and his heavy camera bags, etc.For the most part of our almost 3 years of marriage, Jake was always in in the background.

 Before any quarantine controls to prevent the spread of CoVid-19, I was used to isolation and disinfecting hygiene protocols as Lito and I had to self-isolate, not allowing strangers to visit him for fear that he might get the slightest infection from visitors. I wasn’t allowed to even kiss him on the lips, and I had to make sure I was disinfected before I could get close to him.  It was three days before Lito’s death that his health deteriorated.

 When his blood counts were low, he was struck with fever. Fever meant infection and infection is a blinking danger light for leukemia patients as they do not have normal white blood cells to combat them. His fever spiked up to more than 40C and this resulted to delirium—he wasn’t able to recognize me and he was acting child-like, doing unusual baby talks and told me about the Avengers spaceship up above the ceiling.

 

It was during that time that I had no choice but to call for back-up. My husband’s mother was fighting cancer too, so there was no one else I could easily call but Jake. Without any hesitation, Jake went at the hospital to assist me. He saw me in those three days trying my best not to show my husband any signs of weakness or tears. I did not have any sleep. I could barely eat.  His fever went down for a while but then it spiked again to abnormal levels. His intestines were the first to be affected. He didn’t have control over his bowels, I had to change him twice an hour. Without saying anything, Jake would look at me and he would just take over in cleaning because he saw how exhausted I was. When my husband slept, I then succumbed into crying and Jake saw these episodes. He would tell me that everything will be all right. He would urge me to eat, to sleep, but I had no appetite and I didn’t want a second to take my eyes off my husband.

 

Eventually, my husband was brought to the ICCU for closer monitoring. After his intestines, his kidneys deteriorated and his lungs as well, he had to be intubated. I was advised by my father in law to rent a nearby space so I could rest. I was hesitant but they insisted I needed it. Besides, the ICCU only allowed 1 watcher only. Jake immediately offered to take my place.

 

I slept for maybe half an hour when my phone rang at around 5am. It was Jake. And he just said one word, “Ate…” I knew right then and there what he meant so with my sleeping clothes, I ran out of the nearby pension house and ran as fast as I could to the hospital. And the details of those last hours will be discussed when you and I will have that pajama night.

 

Today is the commemoration of Mama Mary as the Mother of the Church. My heart can always imagine the sorrow our Mother felt when she witnessed the suffering of her son, Jesus Christ during His passion. Mother Mary, out of her pure love and devotion, united her suffering to God, because Jesus needs to fulfill His mission.  And Jesus will always have that pure love for His mother who was with Him from birth to death. Much was given to Mary for her sacrifice, because she never left Jesus at the peak of His suffering, no matter how hard it was.The bond of love between Mary and Jesus is so strong because they were able to share the pain, and the sacrifice. She was also crucified in her own heart. I guess, God made sure that Jesus had a Mother so pure a love to sacrifice her own needs for the love of God. She was God's vessel of love for Jesus. 

 

With God's immense and outpouring love for us, He needs a lot of vessels to distribute it. Mama Mary is God's appointed Mediatrix of Grace. She is assigned to distribute God's graces. I am comforted by this because during the lowest moments of my life, during the greatest sufferings and pain I went through, I was never, ever alone.  And I know that Mama Mary made sure of that. 

In my case when I thought my world ended, I felt God’s presence and Mama Mary outpouring of love and graces through the vessel in Jake. I didn’t realize it until now. And I guess we have to open our eyes and heart, as we go through our suffering, of God’s love, mercy and graces, in the many blessings He has surrounded us to get by. We may not realize it because we are so occupied with our situation. Now that I think of it, I had a lot of vessels and Jakes surrounding me at that time-- in the form of my family and Lito's family, the surge of love from friends and strangers giving us random messages of support, sending us food, prayers, notes, of willing and available blood donors, friendly nurses and doctors, medtechs, etc. 

 

This makes me hopeful that no matter how difficult my situation is at any given moment, Mama Mary and God has made sure that we are equipped so that we can be victorious in the end. We may not understand His Divine Providence, but know that He always wants the best for us because we are loved immensely. We are surrounded by God's vessels of love. In fact, we may even be vessels to some. 

Open your hearts and your eyes to whoever your “Jake” is in your storms. And don’t forget to thank him as a vessel of God’s love. Praise God for His Divine Providence and always thank Mama Mary for showering us with God’s graces, every day.

 P.S. In one of those three days, I asked Jake why he did all this sacrifice for my husband. I mean, he could always stick to his job description and not go through all the things he had to go through. He said in vernacular (which I will translate to English for everyone's understanding): "Te, it was only Kuya who dressed me up and made me a person fit enough to enter 5-star hotels and eat world-class food. He never failed to thank me and treated me well. This is nothing compared to what he did for me. So, there's no need to thank me Ate. I just pray that you will be okay and Kuya will get well soon.."

To Jake: Jake, it's a slim chance that you'll read this but you know how grateful I am to you and I will pray for you to be blessed always. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sheepmates, who is your “Jake” in your storms? Or, you may not realize it, but you may be a “Jake” also during the storms of others. God's love is so immense and wide, that if we empty our hearts and souls, He will make us vessels of His love and graces so we can pour it out to others.  

 

 

Prayer for Today:

Mother, help our faith!
Open our ears to hear God’s word and to recognize his voice and call.
Awaken in us a desire to follow in his footsteps, to go forth from our own land and to receive his promise.
Help us to be touched by his love, that we may touch him in faith.
Help us to entrust ourselves fully to him and to believe in his love, especially at times of trial, beneath the shadow of the cross, when our faith is called to mature.
Sow in our faith the joy of the Risen One.
Remind us that those who believe are never alone.
Teach us to see all things with the eyes of Jesus, that he may be light for our path. And may this light of faith always increase in us, until the dawn of that undying day which is Christ himself, your Son, our Lord! (by Pope Francis)